ABSTRACT
Loving someone is indeed so enjoyable, but sometimes love can feel so painful and sad. Excessive love will have negative impacts, too much of which can often lead to stress and trauma from a romantic relationship. A love relationship that is already healthy is called a toxic relationship. There are several signs of a relationship that has become toxic and needs to be addressed by those who are trapped in it. As much as possible, a person should be able to avoid unhealthy relationships. Creating healthy relationships is one of the important parts of maintaining mental health.
Keywords : Love, Traumatized, Toxic relationship/Unhealthy relationships, Mental health.
INTRODUCTION
Humans are social creatures who need each other, help each other and always live in groups. As social creatures who live in groups, they cannot be separated from interaction and communication with each other. The existence of communication can facilitate interaction with others so that the intent and purpose to be communicated can be achieved. The dating period is known as a time of joy where a couple can pour out their feelings and affection for their partner. In a romantic relationship, everyone certainly hopes to establish a healthy relationship where they can work together, take care of each other in good times and bad times, in health and sickness, in happy times and sad times, both are the same. Be willing to try to improve open communication, help each other grow, trust and love each other, and most importantly, respect each other in the face of lingering differences.
Instead of having a healthy romantic relationship, many people experience negative emotions in their romantic relationships. Negative emotions come in the form of unrequited relationships, feeling insecure and uncomfortable, feeling bound by others, or even frequent conflicts between partners. In addition, the romantic relationship cannot develop into a positive relationship because
they feel burdened by things that cause one of them to close themselves off from the outside environment. If you have gone through this, it means that the relationship is already in an unhealthy or toxic relationship.
Toxic relationships hold various impacts, namely psychologically and physically. The impact is psychological for people who experience toxic relationships, becoming inferior and pessimistic individuals. Can even be able to hate himself as a result of the treatment or negative words given by his partner against him. The problems that occur result in negative emotions appearing in the individual. For adolescents, toxic relationships can be dangerous because generally at that age adolescents are not yet able to control their feelings, where in adolescence the release of emotions / feelings will refer to stress or depression and will carry out negative attitudes because they are unable to manage stress.
The rise of toxic relationships does not only occur in short-term dating, even people who have been in long-term relationships experience it and many are even trapped in toxic relationships. However, sometimes they don’t realise that the relationship they are in is a toxic relationship. Getting out of a toxic relationship is not easy, most people who go through it will try to end the romantic relationship they are in, there are also some people who often feel hurt when reconnecting with other people, and some even find it difficult to build new relationships because of the physical and psychological effects that come with it. In one case there were two victims who had experienced toxic relationships, one of whom had been in a relationship for years and the other had only been in a relationship for a few months.
DISCUSSION
Definition of Love and Trauma
Love is the deepest and most desired emotion by humans. Although humans can commit lies, fraud, theft, and even murder for love, they would rather die than lose love. Love can touch anyone, regardless of age (Stenberg, 1988). Love can also be defined by a complex emotional and mental state (Hendrick, 1992).
Someone who loves so much can love so much that they forget to love themselves. Sometimes love is not always about being happy, joyful, and pleased. Sometimes love is also very painful and sad. Too much love is not good and will cause pain to the person undergoing it and often even become an unhealthy/toxic relationship that leads to a traumatized condition.
Love trauma can arise when individuals face intense bad experiences in their romantic relationships. A study from Soegijapranata Catholic University Semarang showed that individuals with borderline personality traits, which are indicated by impulsive behavior, emotional lability, risky sexual activity, and other dangerous behaviors such as suicide attempts, often have links to childhood trauma and romantic relationships. One example of someone being traumatized by love could be from violence perpetrated by their partner.
According to Murray (Wishesa & Suprapti, 2014), There are three types of violence that can occur in a dating relationship, namely the first is verbal and emotional violence such as calling your partner disrespectful names, monitoring every call and message on your mobile phone, saying rude words, shouting, or reprimanding, controlling your partner’s time, isolating from family and friends, making your boyfriend feel bad, blaming your boyfriend for problems, manipulating to look pathetic, threatening, questioning, excessive jealousy, always suspicious, always and controlling activities, and humiliating in front of many people. Second is sexual violence such as forcing a partner to have sexual intercourse, touching certain parts of the body even if the girlfriend does not agree or does not like it, and kissing even if the girlfriend does not want to. The last is physical violence such as hitting, slapping, pushing, grabbing hands to prevent the girlfriend from doing something, and fighting or joking that causes physical pain.
Keep in mind that violence in a relationship can have a negative impact both physically and psychologically. A similar opinion was also conveyed by (Safitri & Sama’i, 2013), who stated that the detrimental effects of violence in love relationships on psychological aspects include trauma, depression, high stress levels, anxiety, difficulty in concentrating, signs of potentially self
destructive behaviour such as suicidal ideation, sleep problems, and low self-esteem. Signs of A Toxic Relationship
Relationships that lead to trauma are also called unhealthy relationships/toxic relationships. Signs of a toxic relationship according to (Solferino, Tessitore and Mc Gruder) in his book Riani, that the signs of a toxic relationship, namely :
First, there is possessive behaviour or excessive partner curiosity. This possessive behaviour is in the form of always knowing specifically all actions taken by the partner by asking continuously. Not only that, this possessive action is more directed towards actions to regulate all activities carried out by the partner, resulting in the possessive partner feeling that they are not given the freedom to carry out the desired activities.
Second, there are acts of violence, these acts of violence can take the form of verbal or nonverbal violence, verbal violence such as playing hands, harsh words thrown at a partner, and other acts of violence these actions are clearly not justified in a relationship. Verbal violence is more damaging than physical violence. The effects of verbal violence are invisible, but it can have a tremendous psychological impact, such as damaged self-esteem, mental distress, and traumatic experiences that result in the future of the individual.
Third, there is one party who dominates the relationship not only in physical form but also in communication. A healthy relationship should be characterised by equality, where both parties respect each other. However, if there is domination from only one party in the relationship, then the relationship tends to be an unhealthy relationship.
And the last one, which is not giving opportunities to partners to develop in running a relationship, both of them should have a sense of mutual support and provide opportunities to develop themselves in a better direction. Providing space to develop one’s potential is very important for the continuity of a relationship. If one or both of them do not provide opportunities to develop then the relationship has led to an unhealthy or toxic relationship.
Impact of Toxic Relationship
Then, there is the impact of this unhealthy relationship. According to (Sekarlina & Margaretha, 2013) the impact can cover aspects of life, namely physical, psychological, social and even economic aspects.
The first is the physical impact, which may occur to an individual ranging from minor to serious injuries as a result of a toxic relationship. In fact, toxic relationships can put individuals at risk of death. Being involved in a toxic relationship can lead to individuals committing self harming acts or even direct acts of physical violence against a partner.
Second, the psychological impact, toxic relationships can have an impact on the psychological aspects of the individual, such as unrealistic changes in thinking, difficulty maintaining focus, increased anxiety levels, symptoms of depression, and lack of motivation to move. For example, when an individual has excessive anxiety towards their partner, they may seek justification for mistakes that are not their fault, trying to apologize in various ways to be accepted by their partner. As another example, if an individual has an irrational belief that their partner will change over time despite continuing to suffer in the relationship, they may choose to stay in the relationship rather than seek happiness, without any assurance that their partner will actually
change.In such relationships, they may choose to stay in the relationship rather than seek happiness, with no guarantee that their partner will actually change.
The third impact is on the economic/financial aspect, toxic relationships can lead to unnecessary spending in various aspects of life, especially in important matters. Since individuals lose the ability to control their role in the relationship, they tend to submit to their partner’s wishes, including in terms of financial spending.
Finally, regarding the social aspect/impact, toxic relationships will impact the social life of individuals by creating restrictions in their wider social interactions in the surrounding environment. Possessive behavior in a relationship creates boundaries in their associations. In addition, toxic relationships are also able to create dependence on certain parties or groups, so that the individual feels limited in their social circle. The impact is to inhibit the individual’s potential and opportunity to develop in a wider environment.
How to Build Healthy Relationships
Creating a healthy relationship is an important part of maintaining mental health. Building a healthy relationship requires understanding, commitment and joint effort by the couple. Some ways to build a healthy relationship are, first, honest and open communication because this is one of the most important elements to build a healthy relationship. In relationships, couples must share their feelings, desires, hopes with each other without fear or embarrassment. Good communication can build trust, avoid misunderstandings and create a deep understanding.
Second, respect and appreciate your partner, this is the basis for building a healthy relationship. Mutual respect will make the relationship feel more quality. Couples should be able to recognize each other’s values, opinions, and differences.
Third, support and motivate each other. Good couples support and motivate each other to achieve individual and shared goals. There is no sense of competition between each other, but they should encourage each other to grow and develop and provide emotional and practical support in any situation.
Fourth, trust and loyalty are the main foundations in any relationship, couples must both foster a sense of trust. Fifth, deal with problems wisely, no relationship is always straight and smooth. It is important for couples to solve their problems openly and wisely. Such as not raising your voice in front of your partner, not saying harsh words when communicating problems that occur and not focusing on the existing problems but together looking for existing solutions.
Lastly, maintaining your partner’s privacy, even though you are involved in a committed relationship, each partner still needs to maintain their privacy. This is also a form of respect in giving time and space for yourself.
Countermeasures If You Are Trapped in a Toxic Relationship
According to (Sulastri, 2022), there are several methods that can be used to get out of toxic relationships, namely the first can be by identifying the causes of conflict through communication with a partner or consulting with other parties. The trick here can be to find a clear root of the conflict, whether we have found what is the root of the problem and then whether we already have a strategy or concrete actions to share input with each other as a way of self-development.
The second way is to consider various alternative solutions to find a way out of the problem. Have you questioned the actions to be taken to avoid repeating the same mistakes and have you tried to get out of this toxic relationship by discussing or seeking advice and solutions from the closest individuals in your social circle, such as relatives, close friends, or parents.
Third by implementing the considered actions and assessing the outcome of the problem that has been addressed. Have you tried to end a toxic relationship with your partner. Implementing it can be by asking each other for self-introspection, acknowledging the problems that exist in a relationship, making/building a clear plan, being able to communicate openly with each other, or it can be by ending the relationship if it is no longer worth maintaining and if it is the best way for both.
In addition to the above, you can also report to the authorities if your partner does not want or insist on staying with him even though if you are with him, you will suffer a lot. Then contacting professionals such as consulting a psychologist related to our mental health that is disturbed due to toxic relationships.
CONCLUSION
Too much love is not good and will cause pain to the person undergoing it and often even become an unhealthy relationship / toxic relationship that leads to a traumatized condition. Toxic relationships are unhealthy relationships that make the individuals involved in them feel unhappy, humiliated, experience injustice, are always the target of anger which ends in verbal, psychological and physical violence. So that this toxic relationship can have an impact on a person’s physical, psychological and mental health. toxic relationships can have an impact on the psychological
aspects of individuals, such as unrealistic changes in thinking, difficulty maintaining focus, increased anxiety levels, symptoms of depression, and lack of motivation to move. That is why it is important to build healthy relationships and avoid toxic relationships.
Countermeasures that can be taken if you are trapped in an unhealthy relationship include reporting to the authorities if your partner does not want or insist on staying with him even though if you are with him, you will suffer greatly. Then contacting professionals such as consulting a psychologist related to our mental health that is disturbed due to toxic relationships.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
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Anonim,(2022).https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/healthy relationships/top-tips-building-and-maintaining-healthy-relationships.
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Author
- Azzanaurah1
- Mutiara Wahyuliana
- Yusnita Wulan Sari
- Rayhan Juliandra
